And on today's segment
by Keri McVean
Summary: Ranma is fed up, is there no way to convince Kuno that his pigtailed goddess is really a guy? Get all these fiances off his back? Then Nabiki comments ... your life is just like a Jerry Springer episode.. Hmm... could it work? Story abandoned for now.


Disclaimers: No, I did not create the Ranma-verse, that is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. I didn't create Jerry Springer either... I'm not sure who has that dubious honor, but don't look at me. As for this story, well, that's mine. You may borrow it for your reading pleasure. grin Enjoy! It's my first fic, so be gentle please. ==========================================================  
  
Nabiki was curled up in the corner of the couch reading one of her mangas when she was startled by door slamming. She glanced up to see a slightly damp redhead muttering to herself "Stupid jerk! Can't see what's right in front of him! What do I gotta do, spell it out to him?!"  
  
"What now Saotome?"  
  
Ranma stopped and looked at Nabiki with an eyebrow raised. 'What does she care?' he thought, trying to think if there was anything Nabiki would gain by her telling her. 'What the hell, it's not like it's anything new'. "First Akane tries to poison me with that toxic waste she calls 'lunch', then tosses me out the window, and who would show up but Shampoo. She gets mad cuz I ain't got no apitite for her ramen after tomboy's cooking, she turns herself into a c-c-c... her cursed form, and chased me all over the school grounds. I finally loose her when the sprinklers turn on, and round the corner comes Kuno, chasing after his 'pig-tailed goddess...'" By this time Nabiki was struggling to hide her laughing face behind her manga. Only Ranma she thought, could get into these... hilarious situations. Ranma was not amused. She crossed her arms over her chest, blue eyes glaring at Nabiki through narrowed slits. "And what" she ground out, " is so funny?"  
  
"You!" Nabiki said with an amused smirk. "Your life is like a Jerry Springer episode, right here live and in the flesh! All I have to do is sit back and enjoy the show."  
  
"Yeah? Screw you Nabiki." the petite redhead shot as she stomped off to go take a bath.  
  
Nabiki's laughter followed her all the way there.  
  
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Ranma sighed as he eased his now male body into the tub. 'Who does she think she is?' he fumed to himself. 'Laughing at me like that. It is all just a show to her, isn't it?' Then an idea came to him. 'But she's right, it is just like a Jerry Springer show. Maybe I can make it work for me, maybe... Naw, thats crazy.' But try as he might, he just couldn't get the idea out of his head.  
  
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About a week later, he approached the middle Tendo sister in the school yard at lunch. Well after lunch actually, let it never be said that Ranma was one to skip a meal. "Hey Nabiki, can I talk to ya for a sec?" he asked?  
  
Nabiki quickly closed the little black notebook she had been writing in and glance up at the young martial artist. "Sure Ranma, but I am a very busy woman, and time is money."  
  
He rolled his eyes at this, but continued on anyway. "I've been thinkin' lately..."  
  
"Hope you didn't strain anything."  
  
"Thought ya wanted me to be quick?"  
  
Nabiki sighed, "Fine, carry on."  
  
"As I was sayin', I've been thinkin' about what you said last week, and, well..." he trailed off, looking a little nervous.  
  
"I said a lot of things last week Saotome, out with it, before we're old and grey."  
  
"It's about what you said about my life being like a Jerry Springer episode. It got me to thinkin', maybe I should go on that show. And I was thinking maybe you could help me get on there."  
  
Nabiki snorted with laughter. "You had me going for a minute there Saotome. I almost thought you were serious. Now get outa here before I have to charge you for wasting my time." With that she open her notebook back up and started flipping through it, looking for where she left off.  
  
"I'm serious Nabiki. I think this is a good idea. But if you don't think you can do it..."  
  
The notebook snapped shut as brown eyes narrowed. "Oh I can do it. But believe me, it'll cost you. And on top of the money, I want something else."  
  
Brown eyes held blue in her gaze, a challenge held there. "You have to choose. Whether it's Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, or the Queen of England for all I care, you have to make a choice. And you will announce that choice on the show."  
  
"Gah!" Ranma jumped back like she had struck him. "Wadaya tryin' to do, get me killed!? I can't do that!"  
  
"Then no deal. My sister can't take all the craziness from all this fiance business much longer. I want it to end." And with that, she got up and walked away. "See ya later Saotome," she called over her shoulder as she left.  
  
Ranma stood frozen on the spot for a few minutes, his thoughts in turmoil. 'How can she do that to me? She knows as soon as I make a choice the rest of them will either pound me, or her.' Suddenly he realized if he didn't hurry, he was going to be late for his next class. He rushed off to class, but his mind stayed right were it was. Now what am I supposed to do?  
  
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Two days later, in the Tendo Dojo, Ranma was going through a new kata he had devised, losing himself in the Art. It was really the only thing that relaxed him when the pressure started building up. As he flowed smoothly though the steps, he didn't even notice the figure watching him from the door way. Not until he heard her start applauding.  
  
"Nice foot work," commented Nabiki, as his startlement caused him to miss a step, loosing his footing and landing hard on his rear.  
  
"Yeah, wadaya want," he asked as he picked himself up, irritated that he had let her mess up his consentration like that.  
  
"I was wondering if you had thought about what we talked about... you know, the show."  
  
Ranma scowled. "Yeah, I been thinkin' about it."  
  
"......"  
  
"I'll do it. But I'm not gonna to tell ya ahead of time who it is I'm pickin'"  
  
"Didn't expect you to Saotome. But don't even think about backing out. You hear me?"  
  
He glared at her. "I'm a martial artist. I don't back outa nothin'"  
  
"Yeah, okay. Whatever. Just so we're strait on that," she said. "Well, I better get going, I got a lot of work to do to get this done. And it won't be cheap.... for you."  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't expect anything less."  
  
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Authors note:  
  
Yes, I know they don't watch Jerry Springer in Japan. But I have no idea what talk shows they do have there, orif they have them. But I was listening to a Weird Al CD while reading Ranma 1/2, the song about Jerry Springer came on, and I was like "Wow, can you imagine if Ranma went on that show?" So hear is my start on that story. Questions and Comment welcome and appreciated, as this is my first fic, and I want to know if i did as well as I thought, or if I really need work. And thank you for your time in reading this. 


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